One of my earliest memories is of an itchy wool skirt, striped green and red. I’m in my grandparents’ house, where wooden dolls painted in similar dresses line the shelves of the “library”, and abstract scenes of coastlines and forests line the walls. My grandparents speak to my dad and uncles in a flowing, musical language, one that I wouldn’t learn for another twenty years.
Growing up, being Estonian was just a fact of life. I didn’t really understand what it meant until I reached high school and learned more about Estonia within the context of global history and culture. To me, being Estonian just meant weird foods at Christmas, looking stern in photos (the “Estonian smile,” as we called it), and getting a blank look whenever someone asked me where my last name was from.
Me in my beloved Estonian skirt. Photo by unknown family member.
But the more I learnt about Estonia, about what my grandparents left behind when they fled in the ‘40s, the more I grew to love the culture. My grandparents were so proud of where they came from, and though they were firmly settled in the United States by the time I was born, they instilled that same pride in me.
Which is how I ended up deciding to move here for my master’s degree. Though my grandparents passed over a decade ago, my love for them and my pride for my second country brought me back to the place they never truly left behind.
Estonian alphabet book and travel books from my grandparents’ library.
Having been here for two months, however, I’ve discovered that the Estonian expatriate culture I grew up with in the United States differs from Estonian culture in the country itself. Cultural pride and decades of isolation from the isamaa (fatherland) have resulted in certain pieces of culture being maintained abroad but seemingly abandoned here in Estonia. I spoke to another half-Estonian UT student, here from Australia, about cultural touchstones we had grown up with that seem to have disappeared from the local culture.
Here are the top three Estonian culture shocks I’ve noticed since I’ve arrived:
Nobody sings Ta Elagu?
To me, this is THE Estonian birthday song. It’s been sung at every birthday party I’ve been to with Estonians present. I can count on a tinny rendition being sung through the phone by my uncles or dad every year. Yet talking to locals and other Estonians who grew up abroad, it’s practically unheard of to do so here. Most people just sing Palju Õnne, or the classic “Happy Birthday” song, just in Estonian. That’s boring! Bring back Ta Elagu! (Listen to the song here)
Estonian-themed birthday cake in America, celebrating my grandfather’s 90th birthday.
My favourite Estonian foods are not that popular
This might just be a familial thing, but the comfort foods my grandparents made for me aren’t as common as I thought they’d be. During orientation, my favourite foods weren’t mentioned. I’ve been met with surprise when I say my favourite Estonian foods are hakklihakaste (ground-meat gravy served over potatoes) and rosolje (potato salad with beets). Of course, the classics like hapukapsas and leib (sauerkraut and rye bread, respectively), are ubiquitous, but foods that, to me, are quintessentially Estonian are less common than my grandparents made them seem.
Some Estonian natural food. Picture Credits to Leon Metsallik, Visit Estonia Toolbox (click here).
Estonians are friendly, actually
The year before I moved, I joined my local Estonian Society. I hoped to begin learning Estonian and reinvolve myself in the culture to lessen the culture shock I would experience. Before I moved, the biggest piece of advice I got was “be prepared to feel lonely for the first few months, Estonians take a long time to warm up to strangers.”
However, I have not found this to be the case at all. Within the first week of starting my program, the native Estonians went out of their way to make me and the other international students feel welcome. Even when I go shopping, I am met with warmth and kindness. Many shop clerks are excited and encouraging when I try out my (embarrassingly poor) Estonian.
Tartu in autumn.
Despite these culture shocks, moving to Tartu has been one of the best decisions I’ve made. It feels incredible to wake up in a country that I’ve previously only visited and know that I’m home. Living here has been a dream for so long that it feels surreal to be finally doing it. Every day, I’m learning more about Estonian culture. Being here is often bittersweet – there are so many things I’d love to ask my grandparents that I will never be able to. However, despite the sadness, I feel right at home and closer to them than ever.
All photos by author unless otherwise noted.
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