An Infamous question the International Student Ambassadors had once received and one I received in person a few times facetiously goes along the lines of “How do I find an Estonian wife”. So, for Valentine’s Day, I will attempt to answer this question as well as share some insights on what it is like to date someone from a different culture and how I fell in love.
When I first came to Estonia in March 2017 as part of my military service, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had never been to another country before and in general, wasn’t great at adapting to new environments. At this time, I was 20 years old, a bit reclusive, and a bit shy. I was certainly reluctant to go out and explore and finding a date wasn’t my first thought. However, over time my colleagues slowly coaxed me out of my shell and I began joining them for excursions to the clubs and bars. Gaining a bit of confidence, I decided to try my hand at dating. After some failed attempts, I met a girl I thought was out of my league, Merilin.
It just so happened that we both worked the nighttime shifts at our respective jobs so a lot of the downtime of the nighttime shift became our time to talk. I loved her straightforward rhetoric and how sweet and caring she was. She introduced me to Estonian music, Estonian traditions, and showed me a different side of the city I had been living in for over 6 months at this point. We began dating and my demeanor had completely shifted, even my colleagues remarked how much more confident and happier I seemed together with Merilin.
However, my time in Estonia was soon coming to an end and I wasn’t sure about the future of our relationship. We decided to keep talking and this turned into a weird almost 2 ½ year period of a long-distance relationship. I moved from Estonia to South Africa to Nepal and Merilin visited me in each location, it felt so special to share the new places I was living in with someone close to me. When my military time was completed, I had to decide what was the next step in life for me. The affinity I had built for Estonia and the close bond I had built with Merilin, made the decision to move to Estonia and start my degree at the University of Tartu an easy choice. Today, four years later, I still love living in Estonia and with Merilin.
So, how do you find an Estonian wife? Here are my tips:
Show an interest in Estonian culture. Embrace what makes Estonia special and experience it with those you care about. As a small country that often doesn’t get as much international recognition, Estonians especially appreciate when foreigners are knowledgeable and enthusiastic about their culture. Attend a song festival, go on a bog walk, or share a desert on an Estonian holiday and you’ll win some brownie points.
Learn Estonian Estonians love when a foreigner speaks Estonian or even when they attempt to. If you aren’t quite at a strong level of Estonian at least they will think it is cute. Learning Estonian will better help you communicate and will help you interact with her family.
Be yourself Estonians aren’t some strange breed of humans, they are the same as everyone else, just with a unique culture and upbringing. Share your own culture and be open, there’s no guaranteed roadmap to anyone’s heart.
Now, for those of you who are trying to find your Estonian wife, I must tell you there are some challenges!
Firstly, language barriers and cultural differences between families make it a bit difficult to feel part of the family and sometimes compromises must be made on things like holiday traditions or where to spend a holiday.
Secondly, Estonians love the outdoors. When the weather is temperate you had better be ready for a hike or walk around town.
Lastly, Estonians are superstitious. Be privy to whatever superstitions your soon-to-be wife may adhere to and embrace them! A scolding based on which way you placed the bread back is never fun.
All in all, I’m so incredibly lucky to be together with the person I love and I’m looking forward to many more years in Estonia with her.
Leave a Reply